Well it’s been an interesting couple of weeks to say the least. If you’ve read my Facebook I apologize as some of this will be repeat. Many of you have probably already read and heard some of the horrors I went through dealing with the mental health system, the aftereffects finally hit an iceberg about two weeks ago. I had talked to many people and told them I believed I had PTSD from all of it. It finally came to the point where I had to do something more then I was doing about it. I ended up getting admitted inpatient again. I filled out an assessment and was diagnosed with PTSD. It sounds silly, but actually having a label to what I was going through gave me slight relief. With lots of assistance from some very talented professionals I was to overcome OCD. So, when I got another diagnosis it was like oh this can be beat too. I was quickly released and making lots of efforts to not ruin the positives I have going on in my life. I will never quit fighting for better mental health care for individuals, but not to my own detriment. This information kind of explains some of the poem posted recently.
You hear the anger in my voice
But do you feel the pain
For the memories I have no choice
They’re deeply ingrained
( The first four lines touch on how I come off as angry when talking about the subject, but the anger is really just a result of, more comfortable to feel then pain, and or it is pain. Pain as a result of the memories that don’t go away. I don’t choose to dwell on certain things just make me feel like I’m right back in those situations again).
You wonder why the hostility
I wonder where is the compassion
As the world awards docility
Like it comes with great rations
You only watch
Choosing never to participate
If you stand by you’re a notch
A set back in the reality we anticipate
( The next eight lines are basically just stating that standing up against things that are wrong is better then sitting back realizing it’s wrong and not doing anything about it. In addition, if you aren’t part of the solution and only willing be a by stander you’re part of the problem.)
I don’t like confrontation
But I’ll take it to not add a negative to the equation.
(The last two lines, are sort of self explanatory based on the previous info. For the record despite what many people may think I don’t like confrontation.)
Ummm… not really finished, but I got other plans. So, I’ll write more later.